What Do I Want?

Hey people!

I’m back yet again to vent/voice out the chaotic soup that are my thoughts, and today’s special is… “What Do I Really Wanna Do?”. Quite an interesting thing to think, right? (right?). I was trying to learn more about C2 servers so that I can write a new section on those for my malware development guide, and in the middle of making one, a thought occured to me. “This is not as fun as I hoped it would be”. I mean yeah sure, I was learning a TON of stuff by doing this seemingly simple task of making a stupid c2 server project to control a non-existent botnet, but it just did not feel… fun. The entire purpose of me doing security stuff, both in my free time and in study-time is because it seems fun and interesting. I like breaking systems and analyzing what went wrong. I like creating funny and dumb stuff that me and my friends can have a laugh about even if it is not something world changing; however, recently I realized that I’ve been inching more and more towards doing stuff that I don’t find fun, but just because I think it will keep me relevant in cyberspace. To not go obsolete because the tech sphere moves just so damn fast. With the emergence of AI systems capable of comprehending and doing in an instant whatever I spent month worth of time learning. It seems I may have overreacted and done what I have done in a state of panic.

I’m not quite sure. But what I do realize now, writing this, is that I seemed to have lost the main motivation behind me learning how to hack shit and how to break systems. It was not to earn money. It was not to get a job. It was not for my parents’ or anybody elses’ approval. It was because it’s just so fucking cool. That feeling of being a kid and watching those hackers depicted in games and movies just… breaking into systems and doing all this awesome stuff, that awe, that absolute want to also being able to do something similar, I forgot about that. Don’t get me wrong here. I do think that having a job, a source of income is very important, but does it really have to be the sole reason why we do something? Is money everything? Heck! I love teaching, if anything I’d just love to be a teacher/professor. The amount of times I’ve witnessed just the most dogshit people in IT try to teach programming concepts in universities… *sigh*. I’m getting side-tracked.

Back to the main point: “What Do I Really Wanna Do?”. I think, the short answer is… I’m not quite sure to be honest. I’ve always been fascinated by cybersecurity, but while trying to (and I mean this literally) get through one of the rooms on TryHackMe, I kinda thought to myself: “FUCK formal cybersecurity bro”. Let me elaborate. By “Formal Cybersecurity” I’m referring to the corporate bullshit that we have to do in order to operate under organizations and get that bread.

Is it important to know compliance? Is it important to be able to formally state and put down into words what a threat is capable of and how to mitigate it? I hear the answers: Obviously yes!, Why do you ask such stupid fucking questions?. And yeah, I totally agree with you, but do I wanna do that shit? FUCK NO. I really hate corporate wording and all that fluffy shit with compliance and formats and whatnots. I don’t necessarily think that formal wording is that bad, but I’ve noticed that there’s room for a fuck ton of abstraction when it comes to discussing stuff like threat assesments, mitigation tactics and so on.

So do I wanna do this? Do I really wanna build a career in “formal” cybersecurity. I don’t know, but for now, I’d say that the answer will be a definitive No. I’d much rather do something like game development. It’s wayyyyyy more difficult to get into and, once again, with AI fucking us all in the ass, it’ll get worse. But is it fun? Hell yeah! It gives me an avenue to actually create stuff that I want to. I think we’re all in an age right now, where it’s either create or be consumed. Does that make sense? I hope it does.

I’d also like to address those of you who read this, who are just getting started or beginning to consider their choices when it comes to specialize in stuff, and solidify their choice and path. Please think carefully and deeply. Don’t do something or pursue it just because it’s a trend and seems like it’s the future. Even after analyzing and concluding that it might stay around and be a crucial component to building your career, I urge you to think… Is it? Can you be sure that you and many others are not in the wrong, making the same mistake? Is this really what you want?.

I could honestly write for hours upon hours and not be able to express the myriad of thoughts that race through the ephermal existence that is my mind. But I can confidently say that I gained something from this little rant with myself. I can say, without a shread of doubt that whatever happens, I know in my heart of hearts that I will continue down this uncertain path of exploring the unknown and doing what I believe to either be fun or be worth the effort. Shit’s complicated. I’d say this is more of a note for the future me than the rest of ya’ll.

I’ve gone on for too long. If you’ve stuck around to read until now, thanks! I hope that you’d stick around for more of my rants and maybe reach out to me (we can be friends yk >.<).